a great recipe site for healthy foods!

101 Cookbooks

This is a beautiful site for those of you foodies out there! My dear friend, Mrs. Byrd, passed on the goodness that is 101 Cookbooks. Mama Byrd is one of the greatest foodies I know. She has kept me healthy, introduced me to the love that is a CSA, and taught me how to cook those strange and unnamed root veggis I did not know existed. Mama Bryd helped me pick out my first cast iron roaster and winced when I introduced a vintage pressure cooker into my kitchen (no accidents, yet.)

I love this site - and I think that you will, too.

january is done

I dont' know if I can tell you how happy I am that January is over. It's too damned cold.
Tonight, however, is bliss. I am watching the Littles watch "The Secret Garden." It's one of my favorite movies, books, musicals. You name it. It is heart filling to see them love it like I do. Heart filling.
It also makes me yearn for spring. Then summer.

I think I need to live in summer all year long. If I could just move my life here to somewhere warm - the dessert, perhaps... Mexico or someplace even more exotic! Ahh, that would be the life.

I would like that life very much.

I like my life very much.


Here's a little secret for anyone or no one.

I've been on Facebook lately. (That's not the secret.) I've reconnected with many old friends. (Here's the secret - not a big deal, really) It makes me yearn to start acting again. My soul needs it. My ego needs it. My heart needs it. I want to make that kind of art again.

Finding old friends again reminds me that I was once a girl. A woman. Not just a mom or a wife - someone that is needed, but rather, someone that is desired. Noticed. I have been shopping and redoing "me." Actually, uncovering ME. I wonder how my family will respond. It's still me, just a part of me that's been hidden for a long, long time.



I know that it sounds self-centered, but I NEED it!

extraordinarily talented child or idiot savante?

My daughter is singing some Garfield opera. You know Garfield. The cat. She knows the whole darn thing. I am getting the play by play - she's describing the scenes. She's singing every. single. word. All of the characters have different voices.

It's not really that cute. In fact, it's kind of annoying.

I didn't know that Garfield had starred in an opera. Did you? I no longer need to wait until the national tour comes to Minnesota, because I've heard the whole thing.

Oops. Took too long to write this post. She's started the whole thing over again. This time, including all of the dance breaks.

Did I mention that she is also eating a peanut butter, raisin bagel sandwich at the same time.

There has got to be some way to make money on this skill.



I think I need to get out of the house. I'm going to IKEA to be with my people.

some times, motherhood sucks

OK. So I am ignoring my children. Isn't it time that they started to pay a little attention to me? I mean, really. Do they have any idea who has been feeding them and clothing them for these many years? Is it too much to ask?

I am so getting mine when I am old and infirm. I am going to live with all of them for an extended time. I might even to threaten to die in their home if they don't love me. I will pout until I get my way. I will only eat the food that I want - causing them to make several different meals at one time. Then, when the cooking has ceased, I won't touch any of it.

I will have favorite clothing that I demand to wear on a daily basis, then, on a whim, I will only wear my bathing suit and rain boots with sparkly fairy wings. See how much they like that when they have to take me to the grocery story. In Feb. Boy, I can't wait to hear what they say to the lady behind them in line. Then, when I don't get the balloon that I want, I will throw a holy fit! I might even throw myself to the floor and flail about while screaming something like, "I'm not your REAL mother."

Oh, and bedtime. Just wait until it's bedtime. I will not sleep! I will demand that my children lay down with ME until I am asleep. And they cant just sit in my room, they must lay down next to me so that I can wrap my cold feet with long, scratchy toe nails around their thighs. Then, just for shits and giggles, I am going to join each daughter and her spouse in bed around 3 or 4 in the morning. Of course, I will demand that I sleep only with my daughter, sending the spouse to my now very wet - Oops! - bed to sleep for the remainder of the night.

I won't do anything they ask me to do. I won't listen when I am being spoken to. I will ignore direct requests for EVERYTHING! I will randomly take things out of drawers and scatter them boldly throughout the house. I will drop car keys into the toilet and wedding rings into the Dispoz-All.

But I will be cute, and their friends will find me charming, and they will feel incredible guilt for wanting things to change!

Ha. They'll get theirs in due time.

moosey moose

Looking forward to a happier, sillier, more carefree week.

I love that all it takes is a pair of paper antlers to make this girl giggle! Tickles me, she does.

Hope your week is a good one!

And if it starts to go downhill, get yourself a pair of paper antlers, and quick!

waiting...

I am 43 years old and I am sitting here waiting for my dad to call me up and yell at me like I'm still a little kid. Turns out there was a lapse in our auto insurance. I don't know what yelling at me is going to do to help anyone, except that maybe he'll feel better.

Daddyman and I know what a gigantic deal an uninsured driver is! We know how bad it could have been - and we know how hugely lucky we were.

It sucks!

I know. My stomach hurts like a mother f**er. I want to eat everything in sight - I am not doing that anymore, but I really, really want to.

I am not asking my family for financial help. This is a financial mess that Daddyman and I are taking care of. I don't even really care if I get my dad's emotional support - OK. That's a lie. I just don't want him to yell at me.

I wish that I could explain to my dad what it's like to try to raise a family in this economy. When my parents were young, they were lucky to go to college. Both of my parents have graduate degrees. They were also of the generation that after college, they found a job and there they stayed until they retired. It seems that almost everyone of that generation did that very same thing - one job, one career - moving up the ladder in one company, if you were lucky.

Now, I don't know ANYONE who has had one job for the last 10 years. Everyone I know moves around.

I am trying to budget, but our jobs are so piece-meal. I pay our bills and I juggle the finances and I sometimes steal from Peter to pay Paul. And - luckily! - everything is OK. It's not great, but it's OK.

My parents cannot understand why a budget is so hard to figure out! I have some income that is steady, but a lot of it comes from all over and at randomly different times.

I thought I was alone in this financial stress, until I started talking about it to friends. Oh, was that scary. Do you talk about money to your friends? I certainly was brought up to believe that money was secret and private and NOT polite conversation. Even people with "real" jobs. It turns out that almost everyone I know that is in my age group is doing the same thing. And we all work our asses off to make certain that everything looks like smooth sailing and stress free living on the outside.

No one talks up big purchases, but we take pride in bargain hunting and consignment shopping and the great coupon deals we get at Target. We smile and laugh and share potluck dinners - each bringing something to put on the table. None of us go out to eat anymore. Few of us shop as often as we've done in the past. The gadgets are fewer and farther between - we claim to be "looking for quality and craftsmanship." We proudly state that we are "older and wiser."

What do you think? How do you live? Is it going to get better? Does attitude mean anything?

I read The Secret, and I do believe in the power of positive thought. I do believe in the power of prayer, in this way: God gives us the opportunity to create the reality that we want - but rarely just drops the new car in our front yard... although, we have our fingers crossed and we're searching the skies.

I hope that all of that works on my dad. I am really, really dreading the conversation that has to happen.

(I know. Grow the f*** up! but still...)

done

This is how I have felt for the last couple of days as we deal with the car stuff. It's almost like a sitcom - except sort of tragic. I guess that's what humor is - being able to laugh through the difficult stuff.

So, we hit a couple of deer and totaled the car. It's just a car, and I've come to believe that the deer had a suicide pact. It only took them four lanes of heavy traffic to successfully reach their goal. I'm going to think of it as an act of kindness. We were sort of like Dr. Kovorkian for deer.

The car is still on an extended vacation in Wisconsin. We're still negotiating how to retrieve it from the "Car Spa." It's had quite an experience, and it is not ready to return. I guess if I'd had such a traumatic experience, I'd be reticent to return as well.

Lucky for us - we thought - that we'd recently purchased a new/old car. It's a finicky beast! Several nights ago, she decided that she would no longer tolerate coolant in her system and she sprung a leak. OK, leak is a delicate word for the geyser that occured under the hood of our tank. She basically vomited radiator fluid from Saint Paul to Minneapolis...

We had the whole family out for a nice evening with friends (We to see Wicked!), and the more radiator fluid we put in, the more radiator fluid that ran all over the floor of the parking garage. Soon, we were standing in a giant puddle of radiator fluid. We were beginning to feel like Noah in a flood of car liquid.

We inched along the highway - stopping every 10 feet to replenish the golden liquid in the radiator. It was not unlike nursing a child through the flu - a gentle sip every 5 minutes in hope that she'll keep it down and get better. It only took six hours and several moments of whining from everyone in the car - children and adults included - to reach our goal of home!

Upon returning home, I tucked the Littles safely into their beds and Helpful Hubby spent many, many hours on line researching our old/new car and finding a trust-worthy place to take it! At last, he found a reliable mechanic - and within walking distance - Hooray! We had a plan in place for the following day! We both fell into bed exhausted but reassured that all would be made right.

Daddyman and Volvo limped the six blocks to Tuan's Auto World. They gently encouraged the car into the shop and Daddyman waved goodbye. He walked home, and together we worried and nibbled our nails as we awaited the estimate... they could fix it, but they'd have to replace the timing belt and the water pump. Only $600.00!

"Go ahead," we said. "We need a car."

So, our 'trusty mechanic' toiled away the day. We got a call - no new timing belt needed! We celebrated. It would only cost $300.00! We got another call - car is ready. Daddyman set off on the hike to retrieve our once again trusty tank!

During all of this, we wiggled around our budget as we tried to find a way to pay for all of this. We live pretty much check to check, and this was going to be tricky. We were bound and determined not to ask for help. We also do not live on credit. We are a cash and carry household. The girls were relentless in their inquiries: How long until Daddyman gets home? Are we going to Auntie's house then? Can we stay all day? Can I watch the parade until Daddyman gets home? Are they putting a tv in the Volvo? That would be neat? When they fix the car, will we be able to eat in it? How long until Daddyman gets home? Is Daddyman home yet?

**Gee, my stomach hurts. Can't imagine why!?**

Daddyman was triumphant and returned with a working car! It wasn't long until he was sent off on a couple of errands - extra vanilla, forgotten ingredients - with one request: please, fill the car with gas and run it through the car wash. I guess that the guy who sold us the car failed to mention that the seal for the sun roof doesn't really seal. Daddyman found this out during his second shower of the day - this time INSIDE THE CAR in the car wash. The car was clean on the outside and soaking wet inside. And yet, he laughed. He said he was pretty certain that if anyone saw him they might call the guys in the white coats to come and take him away.

Daddyman return, wet but victorious. Car works! And all of the forgotten ingredients were gathered. The meal was prepared and we could now journey to join our family to celebrate and give thanks. (We all agreed that we are thankful for crumple zones and thrifty mechanics.)

Off we headed to celebrate Thanksgiving with our wonderful, extended family.

Note: This is my favorite holiday. My auntie hosts at her home about 20 minutes away - and it is a terrific day!

About 10 minutes into the drive, the car begins to act "funny." OK, not funny HAHA, but funny "OMG Why is everyone staring at us and pointing to the back of the car? Oh, that smoke that is billowing out of the back of the car. Interesting. It wasn't doing that before. Oh, neat. Now the smoke is coming over the top of the hood. I wonder what it is. Great. Now it's actually coming into the cabin of the car. It's kind of exciting. Can you still see to drive? Yes? Good. Open your windows, girls. I wonder if we should pull over or if we should try to get closer to Auntie's house? Put the flashers on. As long as there's not any flames, we're probably OK."

Feel like a rerun of Malcom in the Middle yet? Yep. I thought so, too. Except they are making a shitload of money for their pain and torture! And they are in reruns so they are getting residual checks!

We almost make it to Auntie's and we call for a rescue. This brings cousin to the rescue. We transfer the kids and the food to the next car and head out on the Family Fun - not really feeling fun, but certainly a couple of bottles of wine will help dull the pain I feel.

The feasting continues. We laugh and talk and hug and ignore the car and laugh some more, and finally we plan how to get all of us back over the river and home safely... it only takes 3 cars and several attempts to put radiator fluid back in the volvo - nope. Still won't hold her fluid! Even with lots of guys peering under the hood, because as we all know the more people who look under a hood the more likely it is to magically work again.

So, this morning, we are calling AAA. Nope, they can't begin our towing service until Sat. Our membership is too new. We call Papa - he'll help,but he's not awake yet and the family that stayed at his house is still there... We call the 'Trusty Mechanic' and he is anxiously awaiting the return of our new/old car... We are back to the bank statements trying to discover secret money somewhere... We are trying to eat everything out of our freezer and cupboards before we go to the grocery store again. We still haven't been to the grocery store after our trip to the Dells, and our cupboards are almost bare. (Does anyone have a good recipe for black beans, tomato soup, and brussel sprouts? Oh, and I'm serving it with Kix cereal, if that helps!)

So far, there will be no shopping on Black Friday. (Not my favorite thing anyway, so no big deal.) But it's beginning to look like a black Christmas as well.

"Mommy, why aren't there any pretty presents under the tree?"

"Oh, honey, your present is a car that works. C'mon everyone! Let's go outside and sit in the Volvo again. Bring a blanket - the heat doesn't work yet! But it will by spring! Hohoho!"

And yet, I am reminded: It is just stuff. Someday, we'll look back at this and it will be one of our 'family stories.' We will laugh at all of this soon, I am sure. We are all healthy. We have a great house and we are all relatively happy. I just don't want to have to solve this great puzzle. I want to be the child, not the adult! I wish it were all a hell of a lot easier than it is right now. But if it was, I guess we wouldn't value the important things...

I'll keep telling myself that. Maybe, I'll believe it by spring.