moosey moose

Looking forward to a happier, sillier, more carefree week.

I love that all it takes is a pair of paper antlers to make this girl giggle! Tickles me, she does.

Hope your week is a good one!

And if it starts to go downhill, get yourself a pair of paper antlers, and quick!

waiting...

I am 43 years old and I am sitting here waiting for my dad to call me up and yell at me like I'm still a little kid. Turns out there was a lapse in our auto insurance. I don't know what yelling at me is going to do to help anyone, except that maybe he'll feel better.

Daddyman and I know what a gigantic deal an uninsured driver is! We know how bad it could have been - and we know how hugely lucky we were.

It sucks!

I know. My stomach hurts like a mother f**er. I want to eat everything in sight - I am not doing that anymore, but I really, really want to.

I am not asking my family for financial help. This is a financial mess that Daddyman and I are taking care of. I don't even really care if I get my dad's emotional support - OK. That's a lie. I just don't want him to yell at me.

I wish that I could explain to my dad what it's like to try to raise a family in this economy. When my parents were young, they were lucky to go to college. Both of my parents have graduate degrees. They were also of the generation that after college, they found a job and there they stayed until they retired. It seems that almost everyone of that generation did that very same thing - one job, one career - moving up the ladder in one company, if you were lucky.

Now, I don't know ANYONE who has had one job for the last 10 years. Everyone I know moves around.

I am trying to budget, but our jobs are so piece-meal. I pay our bills and I juggle the finances and I sometimes steal from Peter to pay Paul. And - luckily! - everything is OK. It's not great, but it's OK.

My parents cannot understand why a budget is so hard to figure out! I have some income that is steady, but a lot of it comes from all over and at randomly different times.

I thought I was alone in this financial stress, until I started talking about it to friends. Oh, was that scary. Do you talk about money to your friends? I certainly was brought up to believe that money was secret and private and NOT polite conversation. Even people with "real" jobs. It turns out that almost everyone I know that is in my age group is doing the same thing. And we all work our asses off to make certain that everything looks like smooth sailing and stress free living on the outside.

No one talks up big purchases, but we take pride in bargain hunting and consignment shopping and the great coupon deals we get at Target. We smile and laugh and share potluck dinners - each bringing something to put on the table. None of us go out to eat anymore. Few of us shop as often as we've done in the past. The gadgets are fewer and farther between - we claim to be "looking for quality and craftsmanship." We proudly state that we are "older and wiser."

What do you think? How do you live? Is it going to get better? Does attitude mean anything?

I read The Secret, and I do believe in the power of positive thought. I do believe in the power of prayer, in this way: God gives us the opportunity to create the reality that we want - but rarely just drops the new car in our front yard... although, we have our fingers crossed and we're searching the skies.

I hope that all of that works on my dad. I am really, really dreading the conversation that has to happen.

(I know. Grow the f*** up! but still...)

done

This is how I have felt for the last couple of days as we deal with the car stuff. It's almost like a sitcom - except sort of tragic. I guess that's what humor is - being able to laugh through the difficult stuff.

So, we hit a couple of deer and totaled the car. It's just a car, and I've come to believe that the deer had a suicide pact. It only took them four lanes of heavy traffic to successfully reach their goal. I'm going to think of it as an act of kindness. We were sort of like Dr. Kovorkian for deer.

The car is still on an extended vacation in Wisconsin. We're still negotiating how to retrieve it from the "Car Spa." It's had quite an experience, and it is not ready to return. I guess if I'd had such a traumatic experience, I'd be reticent to return as well.

Lucky for us - we thought - that we'd recently purchased a new/old car. It's a finicky beast! Several nights ago, she decided that she would no longer tolerate coolant in her system and she sprung a leak. OK, leak is a delicate word for the geyser that occured under the hood of our tank. She basically vomited radiator fluid from Saint Paul to Minneapolis...

We had the whole family out for a nice evening with friends (We to see Wicked!), and the more radiator fluid we put in, the more radiator fluid that ran all over the floor of the parking garage. Soon, we were standing in a giant puddle of radiator fluid. We were beginning to feel like Noah in a flood of car liquid.

We inched along the highway - stopping every 10 feet to replenish the golden liquid in the radiator. It was not unlike nursing a child through the flu - a gentle sip every 5 minutes in hope that she'll keep it down and get better. It only took six hours and several moments of whining from everyone in the car - children and adults included - to reach our goal of home!

Upon returning home, I tucked the Littles safely into their beds and Helpful Hubby spent many, many hours on line researching our old/new car and finding a trust-worthy place to take it! At last, he found a reliable mechanic - and within walking distance - Hooray! We had a plan in place for the following day! We both fell into bed exhausted but reassured that all would be made right.

Daddyman and Volvo limped the six blocks to Tuan's Auto World. They gently encouraged the car into the shop and Daddyman waved goodbye. He walked home, and together we worried and nibbled our nails as we awaited the estimate... they could fix it, but they'd have to replace the timing belt and the water pump. Only $600.00!

"Go ahead," we said. "We need a car."

So, our 'trusty mechanic' toiled away the day. We got a call - no new timing belt needed! We celebrated. It would only cost $300.00! We got another call - car is ready. Daddyman set off on the hike to retrieve our once again trusty tank!

During all of this, we wiggled around our budget as we tried to find a way to pay for all of this. We live pretty much check to check, and this was going to be tricky. We were bound and determined not to ask for help. We also do not live on credit. We are a cash and carry household. The girls were relentless in their inquiries: How long until Daddyman gets home? Are we going to Auntie's house then? Can we stay all day? Can I watch the parade until Daddyman gets home? Are they putting a tv in the Volvo? That would be neat? When they fix the car, will we be able to eat in it? How long until Daddyman gets home? Is Daddyman home yet?

**Gee, my stomach hurts. Can't imagine why!?**

Daddyman was triumphant and returned with a working car! It wasn't long until he was sent off on a couple of errands - extra vanilla, forgotten ingredients - with one request: please, fill the car with gas and run it through the car wash. I guess that the guy who sold us the car failed to mention that the seal for the sun roof doesn't really seal. Daddyman found this out during his second shower of the day - this time INSIDE THE CAR in the car wash. The car was clean on the outside and soaking wet inside. And yet, he laughed. He said he was pretty certain that if anyone saw him they might call the guys in the white coats to come and take him away.

Daddyman return, wet but victorious. Car works! And all of the forgotten ingredients were gathered. The meal was prepared and we could now journey to join our family to celebrate and give thanks. (We all agreed that we are thankful for crumple zones and thrifty mechanics.)

Off we headed to celebrate Thanksgiving with our wonderful, extended family.

Note: This is my favorite holiday. My auntie hosts at her home about 20 minutes away - and it is a terrific day!

About 10 minutes into the drive, the car begins to act "funny." OK, not funny HAHA, but funny "OMG Why is everyone staring at us and pointing to the back of the car? Oh, that smoke that is billowing out of the back of the car. Interesting. It wasn't doing that before. Oh, neat. Now the smoke is coming over the top of the hood. I wonder what it is. Great. Now it's actually coming into the cabin of the car. It's kind of exciting. Can you still see to drive? Yes? Good. Open your windows, girls. I wonder if we should pull over or if we should try to get closer to Auntie's house? Put the flashers on. As long as there's not any flames, we're probably OK."

Feel like a rerun of Malcom in the Middle yet? Yep. I thought so, too. Except they are making a shitload of money for their pain and torture! And they are in reruns so they are getting residual checks!

We almost make it to Auntie's and we call for a rescue. This brings cousin to the rescue. We transfer the kids and the food to the next car and head out on the Family Fun - not really feeling fun, but certainly a couple of bottles of wine will help dull the pain I feel.

The feasting continues. We laugh and talk and hug and ignore the car and laugh some more, and finally we plan how to get all of us back over the river and home safely... it only takes 3 cars and several attempts to put radiator fluid back in the volvo - nope. Still won't hold her fluid! Even with lots of guys peering under the hood, because as we all know the more people who look under a hood the more likely it is to magically work again.

So, this morning, we are calling AAA. Nope, they can't begin our towing service until Sat. Our membership is too new. We call Papa - he'll help,but he's not awake yet and the family that stayed at his house is still there... We call the 'Trusty Mechanic' and he is anxiously awaiting the return of our new/old car... We are back to the bank statements trying to discover secret money somewhere... We are trying to eat everything out of our freezer and cupboards before we go to the grocery store again. We still haven't been to the grocery store after our trip to the Dells, and our cupboards are almost bare. (Does anyone have a good recipe for black beans, tomato soup, and brussel sprouts? Oh, and I'm serving it with Kix cereal, if that helps!)

So far, there will be no shopping on Black Friday. (Not my favorite thing anyway, so no big deal.) But it's beginning to look like a black Christmas as well.

"Mommy, why aren't there any pretty presents under the tree?"

"Oh, honey, your present is a car that works. C'mon everyone! Let's go outside and sit in the Volvo again. Bring a blanket - the heat doesn't work yet! But it will by spring! Hohoho!"

And yet, I am reminded: It is just stuff. Someday, we'll look back at this and it will be one of our 'family stories.' We will laugh at all of this soon, I am sure. We are all healthy. We have a great house and we are all relatively happy. I just don't want to have to solve this great puzzle. I want to be the child, not the adult! I wish it were all a hell of a lot easier than it is right now. But if it was, I guess we wouldn't value the important things...

I'll keep telling myself that. Maybe, I'll believe it by spring.

damn

So, I'll fill you in about the trip to the Dells a little later. This is the last scene of our vacation. It happened on our way home from Wisconsin.
We had a wonderful week. Swam, played tennis, worked out in the gym every day! Ate out a couple of times during the week, saw some movies, relaxed and bonded with the family - very lovely!

Then, on the way home, we hit a deer. Well, two deer actually. Hitting one is so easy, and 2 at a time just racks the points up a little faster.

We thought that the deer would be bedded down at dark, but apparently, because last week was the opening of deer hunting season, the deer were a little nuts. In Wisconsin, the hunters have to "earn a Buck." What that means is this: They have to shoot and register a doe before they can shoot a buck. And, according to the strange looking, but very kind young man at the rest stop #63 on WB 94, it is also rutting season - could you imagine the stress on those poor does? They are either being shot at by people in bright orange hats or they are being pursued by sex crazed bucks. I guess I'd just keep running, too.

The problem is, when they run across a very busy highway, they get run over.

I don't know how Daddyman did it. We were driving 65-70 mph in heavy traffic. I heard him say, "Oh, sh**!" Then, there was a mighty thump! I saw one of the deer tumble over the top of the van and felt the other one get pulled under the van...

Daddyman, pulled off the highway and stopped the car. We took a deep breath and got out of the car to check out the damage. The front of the family van was pretty much flattened! Amazing! The bumper was pulled under the front end of the car, but both tired were fine.

We felt most nervous about being on the side of the road in the dark on a busy highway, so we started the car and limped along the shoulder to the rest stop - a very lucky .5 miles up the road.

Once there, we could assess the damage a little better - lots of fur and blood, no fluid left in the car, not driveable.

We called my dad who agreed to drive into the night to rescue us in the dark of Wisconsin!
We called the state trouper who filled out a report and called a tow truck and marked the deer (apparently hunters are scooping up the deer that get hit on the road so they don't have to shoot a doe, and can go right to hunting a buck. Go figure!)
We chatted up the watchmen at the rest stop - very nice guys.
We ate sandwiches and cheese sticks ....

And I still feel shaky - two days later.

We are so very, very lucky. Daddyman did exactly the right thing - he didn't swerve. He just kept going. The deer did not come through the windshield. The car did not go off the road. Other cars were not involved. We didn't get hit by another car or a semi-truck as it barreled down the highway. We are all safe and healthy.

But, gosh, I am still shaky!

a letter of apology to an old friend

Sometimes, it's hard to say "I'm sorry." Especially, when you don't think that you've done anything wrong. I see that with the Littles all of the time. They drag their feet and hang their heads and sort of mumble an apology when asked to "make things right."

Well, now it's my turn to make things right.

I wrote a blog entry several days ago. An old friend read it, and her heart was hurt. I thought that she was a little defensive, but - after several days of reflection - I think that I owe her an apology.

Dear T.
I am sorry that you felt that I was unkind to your family. I loved your family. Very much! I loved your brother - he was my first love and will always have a huge place in my heart and my memories! The story that I told was just a memory. I meant it to be full of humor - can you imagine if that whole 'parking episode' had happened when your dad and my parents had been home? Thank goodness your mother was the only adult home! She handled everything with a sense of humor and love!

I am sorry if you thought that I was being unkind to your mom. I would never knowingly say anything to hurt her. Your mom made me feel loved during a time in my life that I felt invisible and full of teenaged chaos. She always made me feel safe and loved. In fact, I probably would have chosen her as my mother at that time in my life, because I thought she always listened to me when no one else would.

I ask that you re-read the post with an open heart and mind. Read to hear what I was really saying! And then, if you want to continue this conversation, I would love to hear from you! I truly hope that life has been wonderful for you these past many years, and I look forward to a chance to catch up with you!

Sincerely,
Ahna

we are outa here!

Guess where we are headed?
That's right!
To the Wisconsin Dells.
In November.

For those of my friends who are not native to this part of the country, November is NOT the height of the tourist season. It is cold. and gray. and - for a place that thrives on water slides and theme parks - there will be absolutely nothing to do.

AND I CAN'T WAIT!

We pack the car with as little as we can get away with - which, as the Littles get less little, seems to be just the bare necessities - jammies, toothbrush, swimming suit for our indoor pool and a little cash, and off we go!

When we arrive, we vow not to get out of jammies until well after lunch, we eat cereal for dinner, we watch a LOT of tv and movies (what a treat!), we sit by the fire and play games and do silly crafts and then, we wander around the vacationland-turned-ghost town, and we are blissfully happy!

This is a much needed vacation! We all feel the stress of this year - an election, difficult financial outlook, issues with discipline at school (not mine, the 'other' kids and seriously little follow-through by the administration.) The girls are fighting - a lot. Daddyman is like a stress-volcano, waiting to blow up at any moment. I feel like I'm living on too many cups of coffee - always on edge and tired of being needed! It is a much needed time away.

Why, you ask, do we venture into the Great American Family Vacation at such a strange time of year? Well, because I teach at a year 'round school, and that is what our schedule affords. Besides, off season is a heck of a lot cheaper!

(Here's how the year 'round thing works: 9 weeks of school followed by 3 weeks of 'summer.' It's like 4 quarters with a short break in the middle. Plus, we have all of the holiday breaks. It turns out that just when I think, 'I don't really like children. Why am I a teacher?' It's time for a break! We love this schedule in our house!)

We're going to take a computer and keep an on-line journal, of sorts. Maybe. Stay tuned - you'll surely see some strange things! :-)

random favorite things...

I was visiting my friend - "the other Ahna" - and she'd posted some of her favorite things. Here are some of mine...


*The tea kettle - bubbling water for the coffee press (of course, that may be the psychological thing of KNOWING the coffee is coming!)

*The Littles in jammy feet sneaking into my room in the middle of the night

*My dog's snoring next to me while I write at the computer.

*My husband's key in the door at the end of the day.

*My father playing the piano - his studio was below my bedroom when I was growing up. He is a composer and a conductor of choral music. He is a wonderful musician. Hearing him working as I was going to sleep was the safest feeling I can remember.
Noni singing - not so great, but wonderful and exuberant! And so LOUD!
The dirt road crunching and rumbling under the car tires telling us we're almost at the cabin.

*My sister/friend's voice on the other end of the phone - so happy to hear me. I love knowing her well enough to hear how her day is going over the phone. I love feeling so needed and cared about that she'll share herself with me.

*The hiss of the pressure cooker - I don't have a pressure cooker. My Grandma Picklepuss had one and the Fabulous Mrs. Byrd has one. It always means something spectacularly yummy is on it's way. G'ma P = pot roast. TFMB = curried cauliflower or some other wonderful concoction from Lorna Sass!

*The music of the ice cream truck. You know those nasty little songs that you can never stop singing. I hate the ice cream truck and those silly little songs and overpriced, nasty colored 'ice cream' treats. I LOVE how happy my girls are when we say "yes, you can get a treat!"

*The sound of the jar opening - that quick little woosh - when I open the pickled beets. I love how the juice makes everything else on the plate turn slightly pinkish. I also love roasted beets, but I just can't figure out how to roast them really well. I'll keep practicing. In the mean time - if you've got any suggestions, please let me know!

*The sound of my girls as they arrive home from school: "Ma-ah-ah-ah-m! I'm ho-o-o-o-ome!" Drives me nuts when they shout from one end of the house to the other, but I'd hate it if they quite!

What are some of your favorite sounds?