So...
It started out fairly innocently.
I was putting The Littles to bed - you know the routine: brushing teeth, going potty, putting on jammies, taking off jammies, choosing another pair of jammies, taking off those jammies, finally settling on big sissy's t-shirt - which, thankfully, she's cool with, saying bedtime prayers, talking about the best parts of days...
Then we turn out the lights. Via is snuggled into her bed in her room. Noni is sprawled across the top bunk, Yaya and I are tucked into the bottom bunk.
Lot's of calling to each other happens in the dark:
"Good Night, Via. Love you!"
"Night Yaya. Love you, too. Night, Noni. Love you."
"Night, Via. Love you, too. Night Yaya. Love you."
"Night, Noni. Love you, too."
For that moment, we become the Walton's - a family that is serenely happy and always speaks to each other with love and respect, even when they are completely stressed out about the failing family business and topsy-turvey finances. Oh, and we're starring in a successful family-friendly TV series. It's good.
(pause)
All: "Night, Mom. Love you bigger than the house!"
"I love all of you, too. Now, it's time to be quiet and go to sleep. Good night."
Oh, my heart. Could there be a luckier person on this planet? I am right where I should be tonight...
Then, out of the darkness, from the bed above me...
"Mom? Can I have a sparkly dress that doesn't have any shoulders?"
"You mean a strapless dress?"
"Yeah. Strapless."
"Not any time soon."
"Like when I'm 9?"
"No. More like 17 or 18."
"How 'bout 10?"
"No. 17. If you're lucky."
"12?"
"17."
"15? 16?"
"Don't push your luck."
(long pause)
"I want tall, gold, strappy shoes to go with it."
"Good luck with that."
"17?"
"17."
Ok, I'm tired. It won't be long now, and all 3 Littles will be fast asleep and I can tip-toe downstairs to watch "Medium" and drink a cup of tea. Alone. One the couch. Mommy-bliss.
(long pause)
"Mom? When am I going to have sex?"
Oh, God. When is she going to fall asleep?
"I don't know. Not any time soon. A long time after you get the strappless dress."
"Yeah, but how old will I be? When I, you know, have sex?"
Never.
"I don't know. 30!"
"Oh. OK."
(long pause)
"Mom?"
Seriously, what can we talk about now?!
"What is it Noni?"
"I learned a new song in school about a fart!"
15 comments:
Daddyman here.
Nobody tell her that the song about the fart will help her with the previous question!
Thank you...
You couldn't make this stuff up if you tried could you? Too, too cute.
Sounds to me like she's trying to prevent you from getting too comfortable in your mommy-bliss! :)
Oh, goodness. Little Noni. Love that girl...
this convo change made me sweat...and i so want to know the lyrics to the song.
So funny...I remember those conversations. They start out so blissful, Waltons-like, and at the end you're snapping, "I told you to go to sleep!".
Nice answer on the sex and sparkly dresses. Can these be related?
Now that conversation is amazingly hilarious... as long it's your child, not mine. Good golly they work you hard! Tell that girl to slow down with the growing up and everything! Geeesh!
If you want to stave off the sex stuff, buy her a Little House on the Prairie dress and encourage her to fart on dates.
"Guy's totally dig it, Noni, I swear."
I'm amused and also terrified. I'm not ready for those kinds of questions ;>
You are much more patient than I. Our dialogue is more like:
"Mom, can I have--
"GO TO SLEEP!"
"But Mom, I just--"
"GO TO SLEEP! SHHH! GO TO SLEEP!"
oh c'mon daddyman...everyone loves a good song about a fart!! ;)
We're back! We missed you! How was the party?
We were laughing so hard at this. Too funny. Kids are hilarious.
This is really funny. I'm still laughing. Don't ya just love it? Wait until they are ALL old enough to ask such questions. And all at the same time! You're going to have great fun then.
Nashville Ahna here.
Just wanted you to know I'm still checkin' in over here. And I'm waitin' for more news from the Land of Mosquitos, Snow, and Competing Fabrics. It sounds like bliss.
And by the way -- good job handling these tough/funny questions!
How did I miss this post?
Priceless!!!
I love it! :)
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