stunned

I have been lying on my floor in a gelatinous state... OK, not really. I'm OK. Just a tad bit overwhelmed by life and feeling quite sorry for myself.
Then I was talking to my mother - it's taken 40 years, but it actually helped! - and I was reminded of this story and I thought I would share it all with you.

My oldest, Via (8) is showing signs of beginning her period. We've actually had a moment of spotting on panties followed by tears (mom), head shaking (dad), and shouts of "Yeah, I am a woman! I am really a woman. Now I can vote!" (Via)
After frantic calls to the pediatrician, I have been assured that, while 8 is on the young side, I needn't spend an abundance of time worrying about her growth - or lack there of - she is fine. It turns out that the average age actually has slipped down the ages 10 -12 years old. The early starters join the club around 8, and the reluctant join the swim around 14...
Anyway, after lots of research and discussion of "this is why your body is doing this..." ("Am I going to have a baby this year?" "GOOD LORD, NO!") other natural questions have surfaced.
For example:
A couple of months ago, I was driving our 2 oldest Littles home from a show when Via said, "Hey, mom. What's the story on this 'sex' thing?"
After a couple of deep breathes, I said, "Why don't you tell me what you know. I will let you know if that stuff is on the right track. Then, if you still have questions, we can talk, and I will help you figure out the stuff you still want to know."
That seemed to be the right "mom" answer and we had a lovely discussion. She mostly had it right, but when I explained the real physical act - she asked. Honest! - she asked me, "People actually like that?" I told her that there might come a time when she thought that sounded like more fun. When that time happens, I told her, she can always come back and ask questions and we'll try to figure the answers out together. She seemed relieved, and we were just about to pull up in front of our house.
Then out of the dark silence of the back seat, Noni (6 - pictured above) pipes up: "Mom, can we go around the block a couple more times? There's still some of this sex stuff I gotta know about."

So, we kept driving...

That was last December.

Yesterday, my mother leaned over to me in church and informed me that Nora had announced to her and everyone with in ear shot that "when my mom and dad are in their bedroom, they have sex."

Now, I am sitting in church - getting ready to go to communion, and all I can think about is this: how do I convince my lovely, sheltered Lutheran mother that my daughter is a big, fat liar. I have only had sex 3 maybe 4 times in my entire life. And certainly, only after I was married. Honest! Daddyman and I certainly do NOT have sex... in our bedroom... or anywhere else. Really. Not that I don't want to, mind you, but Good Lord, 3 kids and a full time job - are you kidding?!