Sunday, August 9, 2009

a long time...

wow. It's been a really long time.
It's been a perfectly rotten spring and winter. Now, normally, I hate blogs that people spend all of their time complaining - who cares, really? But I need to get it out of my system so that I can move forward.

In November, we hit two deer with our lovely family mini-van. TWO! At the same time! yes, it wrecked the van. Nope - we'd let the insurance lapse. Yes - big mistake. No - we didn't do it on purpose!

So, we were thankful that we'd purchased a ridiculously cheep vovlo station wagon. Yep - that was a mistake. Nope - didn't want to run. Door came open on the highway. Ava was sitting inches from the asphalt during rush hour. TERRIFYING! Driving to Thanksgiving - car began to smoke - inside the cab! Had the car towed. Needs a new engine. Car guy says, don't bother! It's not worth it.

So, we were thankful to purchase a car from a friend. Yes - another mistake. This car does not start in the rain. When a person really needs to drive. Oh, another joy - we can't fit all of us in this car. What a great purchase.

I don't think the car gods like us very much.

So, we were thankfully allowed to borrow my father's car. Thanks, Daddy.

Then, through the holidays, jobs came and went. quickly. Then, I was told that my contract would not be renewed. Cant we talk stress? I never thought that I would feel that kind of desperate, stomach clutching fear. I am usually the optimist. Things will always get better. But I've got to tell you, I've got some serious worries about how we're going to get out of this mess!

Long story short - I've been hired back into my job. The joy is that I will be returning to the district as a tenured teacher. I think this is what I want. In some ways, I feel like I've missed a chance to reinvent myself.

This winter/spring/summer has kicked my ass. Hard! I am going to have to reinvent myself, but I still feel sort of stuck. I hate being stuck at home. ALL OF THE TIME. Daddy man has hit his midlife crisis hard - he's exploring the world of stand up comedy. He's very good. But he's not making much money and it's taking most of his time. That means that I am the one at home all night long. I feel resentful and lonely. He's got a brand new social life that he can't wait to get out the door to be a part of, and I'm home - alone with kids and no car - yet again! It really sucks. I want him to be happy, but I wonder when it will be my turn to do something fabulous, instead of always being the practical one!?

OK enough complaining. THank you for letting me vent. I will return to happier thoughts soon. Maybe tonight.

1 comment:

Nonna said...

AB - thank you for sharing this. I've been very worried about what was going on in your life. I think I emailed a time or two, and I've chatted with your mom, but it's just not the same as hearing from you how things are going. I won't give you any platitudes...what you've been through sucks, simply sucks. I wish I could make it all better.

Would love to see you sometime when you're up to it. We'll be in Midge this next about you???