Monday, March 10, 2008


I have been lying on my floor in a gelatinous state... OK, not really. I'm OK. Just a tad bit overwhelmed by life and feeling quite sorry for myself.
Then I was talking to my mother - it's taken 40 years, but it actually helped! - and I was reminded of this story and I thought I would share it all with you.

My oldest, Via (8) is showing signs of beginning her period. We've actually had a moment of spotting on panties followed by tears (mom), head shaking (dad), and shouts of "Yeah, I am a woman! I am really a woman. Now I can vote!" (Via)
After frantic calls to the pediatrician, I have been assured that, while 8 is on the young side, I needn't spend an abundance of time worrying about her growth - or lack there of - she is fine. It turns out that the average age actually has slipped down the ages 10 -12 years old. The early starters join the club around 8, and the reluctant join the swim around 14...
Anyway, after lots of research and discussion of "this is why your body is doing this..." ("Am I going to have a baby this year?" "GOOD LORD, NO!") other natural questions have surfaced.
For example:
A couple of months ago, I was driving our 2 oldest Littles home from a show when Via said, "Hey, mom. What's the story on this 'sex' thing?"
After a couple of deep breathes, I said, "Why don't you tell me what you know. I will let you know if that stuff is on the right track. Then, if you still have questions, we can talk, and I will help you figure out the stuff you still want to know."
That seemed to be the right "mom" answer and we had a lovely discussion. She mostly had it right, but when I explained the real physical act - she asked. Honest! - she asked me, "People actually like that?" I told her that there might come a time when she thought that sounded like more fun. When that time happens, I told her, she can always come back and ask questions and we'll try to figure the answers out together. She seemed relieved, and we were just about to pull up in front of our house.
Then out of the dark silence of the back seat, Noni (6 - pictured above) pipes up: "Mom, can we go around the block a couple more times? There's still some of this sex stuff I gotta know about."

So, we kept driving...

That was last December.

Yesterday, my mother leaned over to me in church and informed me that Nora had announced to her and everyone with in ear shot that "when my mom and dad are in their bedroom, they have sex."

Now, I am sitting in church - getting ready to go to communion, and all I can think about is this: how do I convince my lovely, sheltered Lutheran mother that my daughter is a big, fat liar. I have only had sex 3 maybe 4 times in my entire life. And certainly, only after I was married. Honest! Daddyman and I certainly do NOT have sex... in our bedroom... or anywhere else. Really. Not that I don't want to, mind you, but Good Lord, 3 kids and a full time job - are you kidding?!


The MomBabe said...

Okay, first, Via? is gorgeous! GORGEOUS! I tell you.

Second, bwah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

Thire, you have sex? Ewwww, gross. ;)

flutter said...

ok seriously? How is one kid allowed to be that beautiful?

I'm with mombabe on the rest, sex is ICKY!! ;p

liv said...

i'm sure you composed that post with actual words, but all i can think is how ridiculously fabulous Via is. really.

by Johanna Brandvik said... gorgeous!
you have three amazing girls who are incredibly lucky to have one terrific mama! and sex? huh? you lost me. what is that? it's all immaculate here, babe!

also, so glad to read your post! i've been checking daily!

lisa {milkshake} said...

OMG. Girls get their period at 10? I better prepare now.

Noni is beautiful! I love her comment in the car. Priceless!

Nonna said...

Here's what you tell your darlings: Who needs sex when you have beautiful girls like yours to spend your time with? Oh, wait, I think there's a circular flaw in my logic! Well, anyway, welcome to teenage parenthood EARLY!

hiccupp said...

LOL...that definately tops my 3 year old telling our rather buxom babysitter: "you have a big chest?"

Thanks son....thanks a lot.

Luckily said babysitter thought it was funny. :p

And I'll say it again, I'm so glad you're going through this first, because your answers thus far have been MUCH better than what I'd have come up with. (stammering, fidgiting and offering to buy ice cream in an attempt to change the subject) ;)

Annie said...

You are doing a super job on the whole sex talk thing.

Secret Agent Man, I hate to tell him, is really bad at it.

Boys and girls are so different.

I can't just wait for them to ask a question, they never will. Mostly they come to me with words they heard at school and then I tell them what they mean.

With the boys, if they give me an inch, I'll take a mile. I give them way more information than they asked for because I don't know when they will ask again.

With my little daughter, Heaven help me, she is not grossed out by boys or sex-talks. I was really hoping for a "boys have cooties" stage, but it's not happening.

Angela WD said...

What a fantastic approach to the sex talks. You are one heck of a mom!

You're lucky you and your mom don't want to discuss your sex life. When I got married, my mom actually asked me if my sex life is good, and then said she always hoped her daughters would have satisfying sex. Ick, ick!!!!!

kalurah said...

You just made my day with this story.
I am dreading this day with my only daughter. I know it's only around the corner but I hope it doesn't get here as quickly as the past 6 years have gone by!
BTW, your daughters are beautiful.
I think I've told you that before but I don't care because every single girl should hear it time and time again. :)