weekend plans, anyone?

Fist of all - thank you, all you tricky on line friends, who wiggled your way around the disengaged comment option to wish me well inmy new health endeavor. I appreciate your good wishes so very much. Update: Day 3. Sticking to my diet and exercise goals. Avoided that which I love the most - coffee cake! (Yea ME!) Switched sugar for Splenda. All is well. I feel proud of the choices that I am making and I'm on the road to a healthier me.

This is what we're doing this weekend. Our children's theater and groovy art museum and indie radio station are all supporting this event. There will be stories and artsy crafty things to do with the Littles. They even get to participate in an on air radio broadcast. Cool. But, I am mostly looking forward to dancing with my girls.
During the summer months, The Minnesota History Center sponsors a night of music every Tuesday in the summer. They bring in all sorts of crazy music groups - reggae, blue grass, swing, indie rock, string quartet... We bring a picnic and a bottle of wine and camp out on the hillside in the warm evening air. Usually, it is a band that is totally dance-able. Last summer, I took the girls by myself several Tuesday evenings. I have some of the best memories of dancing with the Littles on the open air plaza!
I think this event will have a similar funky feeling, and I'm glad to have the opportunity to share it with my girls. I am glad that Daddyman will be available to attend this event with us. We all miss him when he is doing his actor thing.

Hope your Thursday is going great!

I am mother-ish

I think I've discovered the problem with my parenting.

I sat next to my children at the kitchen table, and realized that
I feel so damned out of control because my children are just
gelatinous blobs of goo that I gave squeezed off myself and are now
somehow living next to me. I still feel the need to control what
they do much is the same way I need to control what I do...
We are like an amoeba, except in revearse.
We are like a bowl of Christmas Jello that was left on the counter
too long, we are melting and separating at an alarming rate.

I know that my children feel it, too. Judging by how much of their
flesh must come in contact with my flesh at any given moment throughout
the day. It's like we are trying to get our cells to rejoin into one
gooey girl blob.

We are a wet and messy bunch.

hang on to your hats, it's going to be a bumpy ride

Today, I bought a pair of gorgeous shoes. Nikes. The first pair of athletic shoes that I have purchased - for myself - in at least 10 years.
Today, I went to my first Weight Watchers meeting in almost 7 years.
Today, I worked out at my new gym - it's a girls only sort of place.
Today, I purchased a bus pass to ride the city bus - which I will have to walk several blocks to ride.
Today, I went to the doctor and had an entire physical. Blood work, the whole deal - and I am really fucking healthy. Except that I am fat. No, not just fat. Morbidly Obese.

Today, I decided ENOUGH WAS ENOUGH!

I am not telling you this so you will stand up an cheer (Even though history shows that I really love an audience!)
I am not telling you this so that you will ask me "how's it going" with strangely chipper voices and forced smiles.
I am not telling you this so that you will offer advice or pity or sympathy or understanding.

I am telling you this because I am done lying to myself!
And I am done lying to you.

I feel like a skinny girl. I feel like a pretty girl. I look like a fat girl, and that does not make me happy.
But most importantly, I am afraid that if I don't do something RIGHT NOW, I am going to die.
And I really don't want to die.

I will canoe, ski, hike, dance, play with my children for more than 5 minutes without sweating like a pig.
I will run a half marathon within the next year.
I will loose between 70 and 80 pounds so that I fall into the healthy weight range for my height, gender and age
I will bring my BMI down to a healthy range of 20 -30.
I will walk by a window and know that I look GREAT.

And, I will be around to watch my children grow into adults. Healthy, happy, confident women.

All I ask of you is this:
Don't offer forgiveness for mistakes.
Don't offer suggestions or sympathy.
Don't lie to me or tell me that "no one really thinks of you as fat."

DO ask me to go for a walk. A climb. A bike ride. A run. And hold my ass to the fire when I try to find a reason not to go...
Cheer me on when I am almost to the finish line.
And most importantly, Please remember this:
I just want you to be my friend!

poverty. epiphany. hope.

Today, in the Christian church, we celebrate Epiphany. The following is based on "A Common Foundation: Shared Principles for Work on Overcoming Poverty," an interfaith statement which is guiding work through A Minnesota Without Poverty.

A Litany in Epiphany of Commitment to Ending Poverty

In this season of Epiphany, the glory of Christ has shined upon us and will continue to shine as we look for the daily presence of Christ in the world.
As we live through the rhythms and changes of life, let us remember to live by our faith in God's salvation which leads to healing the wholeness for all creation.

As a people of faith, with varying traditions and beliefs, we see a vision of common work which we can do to combat poverty and to walk with people living in poverty.

We believe it is the intent of God in Christ: that all people should have enough of this world's goods to live with dignity.

that we avoid those things which divide those with too little from those with more;
that all necessary private and public resources work together to end poverty;

that all communities of faith be invited to commit to overcoming poverty;
that direct actions and advocacy in the public arena be used to end poverty;

that government be called to work with communities of faith in bringing an end to poverty;
that overcoming poverty is an Epiphany hope that we learn in Christ. We are determined to let the light of God in Christ shine throughout our communities so that people of faith will see the call that ensures that no person is forced to live in poverty.

I was astounded to learn the number of people living in poverty in the state of Minnesota. Do you know how many people are living in poverty in your state?

MPR broadcast this information in 2006, and of course, there are many, many more reports that tell us just how many children and families are living in poverty. Of course, lack of insurance goes hand in hand with poverty and low income.

My dear friend and Sister-In-Law wrote about the school on wheels and about the poverty that fueled its existence. I teach theater in an inner city public school. I see poverty every day. I know children who go home to crazy environments with parents who will do just about anything to keep a roof over their family's heads. I know children who bounce from shelter to shelter to shelter.

Sometimes, I wish that I could bring the whole world into my life...

Sometimes, we have enough.
Sometimes, we have a little more.
Usually, we have not quite enough.
We struggle and worry and draw straws - who shall we pay today?
My husband is an actor and a writer and a stay-at-home dad.
I am a part-time teacher and actor.
We pick up all of the extra gigs that we can.

And still, my family is so very, very fortunate.
We have one car - just one, that is woefully under insured...
We have three lovely children - three, that are woefully under insured...
We have a lovely home - just one, that has a mortgage just barely within our reach...

We are so lucky, even if we sometimes feel the squeeze of wanting and needing more.

And I look to my friends - doctors, and architects, and lawyers, and artists - and I wonder if they ever feel that squeeze?
And I look at all that is around me, the glutenous abundance that is being advertised everyday, and I wonder which is better: the safety of financial security or the happy laughter that fills my home?

This celebration called Epiphany celebrates the 3 wise men that came to find Jesus shortly after his birth. They were guided by a star to find this baby. What star guides you? Family? Fame? Fortune? Faith?

The wise men brought offerings for the baby they knew that they would find. They gave up Herod's dreams of fortune and control to protect the Child of Hope. They knew what they would find when they followed the star. And they knew what they would do when they found what they were looking for.

What will you do when you get to where your star is guiding you?

I don't know which star I am following anymore. I don't know if I am following more than one star - can I do that? Or will I just end up wandering around the desert?

I do know this: poverty sucks. Our family may not have much, or on some days - enough, but it is enough to share with anyone. Anyone who asks. Anyone who needs to be fed. or clothed. or sheltered.

What will you do to end the poverty that mankind shares with you?

marianne... or ginger

So, which Austen heroine are you? Apparently, I am Marianne Dashwood. Huh. Really? What do you who know me think? Is this true? In any case, I'm just happy to show up in an Austen novel. That's got to count for something.

Take the Quiz here!

I guess I was really hoping for Ginger. Mary Ann is so cute, and I'd like to be a little va-va-voomy in the new year. I guess the blessing is that I am more Mary Ann and less Mrs. Howell...

success

Thanks to everyone who commented and e-mailed and called to talk about my recent failure in the kitchen. I am happy to report that I have had success.

How did I do it, you ask? New flower, new cast iron pan, new method of blending with a new hand held blender... you get the idea. Daddyman is certain that I have lost my mind now.
The results of this yumminess yielded a dramatically puffy, slightly crispy, light and airy oven pancake.

So, who's up for a cup of coffee and a slice of this yummy baby?

puff pancakes and plaid santas

I tried. I really tried to make this Dutch Baby Oven Pancake. It's supposed to get really big - dramatic. This is not dramatic.

Ok, you bakers out there... any ideas as to what went wrong. The recipe is not a hard one... one cup of flour, 6 eggs, vanilla, cinnamon and sugar. Put the cold batter into a hot pan with 6 Tbsp melted and bubbling butter...




I think the Littles loved it - we topped it with vanilla yogurt, almonds and a drizzle of maple syrup. I want it to work. I want it to be amazing. So far? Not so amazing...








We put butcher paper on the living room wall for the holidays and let the Littles and all of their friends have at it. This is one of my favorite doodles. The Plaid Santa.