I have a dilemma of huge proportions! I am flummoxed. I am stymied. I don't know how to spell any of those words.
I have been teaching theater for a number of years at a wonderful elementary school in St. Paul. Getting to this point in my teaching career has not been easy. I came into my license in a backwards way - via a portfolio process that is designed to license professionals in their field of expertise. It's a bit like getting your PhD through correspondence courses - a lot of work and you don't know if you've done any of it right until it's all done.
I love my job. I love the kids. I really love that for the first time in some years I have a retirement fund and life insurance and health insurance.... all things that a working actor rarely has. I see my kids on a regular basis - which is what really makes me happy. It's a "normal" life with a pretty solid future.
But, I love the theater thing, too.
Normally, these worlds wouldn't collide and this wouldn't be an issue.
When the CTC called me for an audition, I thought "what the heck. I've got nothing to lose." I auditioned brilliantly because I had no fear, and got the role. Exciting to be back in that world again. Getting this role made me feel... like me again, creative, a risk taker, talented, more than just someone who is needed by lots of small people...
I thought that I could do both. I teach half time and I can leave the school by 11:15 am. Plenty of time in the day to do both the teaching and the acting.
Now I have learned that the CTC is starting rehearsals at 10:00 and if I can't be there then, I can't do the show.
Here's the kicker... I don't know if I care a whole lot. But maybe...
Do I ask my boss for the month of October off so I can rehearse this play? If he says "no," I've got my answer. Not doing the show would make life as we know it a whole lot easier.
I sort of feel like I am letting go of something that has been my dream for so long... I have this inkling that this show might lead to other, better, bigger things. Oh, patootey.
PS. That was sort of stream of consciousness... sorry for the crazy babble. I haven't got this sorted out in my head yet... any help would be great.